The magic

Cast the spell on me, so that i can make you happy.

This year Christmas is my 2nd time away from my beloved family. The only difference between the 1st time & 2nd is i don't feel lonely (not that i was feeling rather lonely when i celebrate my 1st Christmas with my Better Half though). What I'm saying is Christmas is a family affair. But Bintulu people are still lacking of the Christmas Spirit. I was so pump up on the Christmas Eve and thank you to the Choir, i don't enjoy my yearly songs.

However those are not what I want to share with you. During the homily, Father Micheal told us in order to give, i have to receive what comes to me. That way, we can joyfully celebrate Baby Jesus Birthday. So that Christmas morning, I told myself to enjoy my new family in Bintulu. The more I receive the more I give back. It's true, by the end of the day i felt content, happy & blessed. This Christmas, i see my Grandfather Micheal Bana and Kakak Yaq in everyone. They remind me, to appreciate those who are still here with me.

Now i have reason to bring my family to join me in Bintulu for Christmas next year. A family affair is indeed my magic Christmas.

The 1st Concert

Its 29 days to go before my 1st International Concert with my better half, Bernard, my beautiful sisters, Isla & Sonia, my lovely cousin, Esmarada & last but not least my gorgeous friend, Salina. Isla & Esma just got back from JYJ showcase last October in KL, both are still in cloud nine actually.

Loving the idea of spending my holidays with my love ones. I cant imagine how this holiday gona turn up, the drama & everything ... huu maybe thats why im feeling anxious.

the act of Love

An action where there's no " me " nor " you " but " we ".

A feeling of secure, trust, respect and honesty.

A reaction of the chemistry of the heart.

A touch of care and loving.

Love = <3.

 

As a child ...

" There she goes, doing it again to her children ...

sometimes, she over react to it or sometimes it was just too much ...

they know she was protecting them, but do they need all the attention ?

Is there a place where can they make mistakes and learn from it ?

No matter how hurt and hard it is for them, she should believe in her children

so that they can grow and became a better person. "

Reasons why i am not a monster mother yet :

1. Thinking of the responsibilities just makes me freak out.
2. I want to spend my 20's with career, family & friends, to travel the world while im single.
3. Lastly, that's simple i am not ready yet to be a "mother-monster". And i dont want my kid to grow up without me by their side.

To mothers out there, you deserve more than all this.

the running shoe

I was supposed to do some physical workout before my 1st Asia Trip this coming 28 May. However due to the blazing Mr. Sun, i was intimated by him to go out and play. So this evening im going to have my fast walk with my colleague, Donald. Finally, im out of the office by 6pm \(^o^)/ .

It was raining the whole day, so Mr. Sun hides himself between the beautiful Lady Cloud. Huhu happy happy mode right now.

Since our tour guide last minute back out himself from our short trip in Seoul, my mind is currently preoccupied with this "where-how" situation we will have to face later on. Its a bad and good situation though, bad - we are totally unguided, good - we can have more free schedule of our own.

the meeting

Had a lovely surprise visit from my beautiful cousin last three nights ago. As we were reminiscing Kakak Yaq's fond memories that still fresh in our hearts, my hearts bleeds once again. I thought i was strong to talk about her, i thought i can move on without her, oh no i was so inaccurate to judge my own heart. To stop my tears from falling, i stuff the watermelon into my mouth and focus on chewing it, as if to bite out the pain. A rather juicy remedy though.

Yes indeed, we are still clinging to her fond memories to heals our shattered hearts. A memory that slowy vapourates into the thin air. Like her dreams and hopes.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lkLLPT-ZH3g&feature=related

the beating heart

Your last breath of life left you alone in the dark.
Your hands are cold from soaking too long in the water.
Laying there lifeless and alone for 13 hours.
The truth can't never be told what could be the reason of the accident.
Only you, you alone can tell us what happen that late evening.

The unforseen future

The future, where can you see yourself in it?

A big question we always asked ourself every night before we fall into deep slumber. The anxiety of unsecure future is a big concern to every one of us. No matter how fast or slow our pace are, the future can never be capture nor our past. However, the action of our decision will mould the future we heading to, and every step we took would be the moulded memory we left behind. Just like the fossilized footprint of dinosours we seen today's.

the 8th month while you are gone

Have you ever had the feeling that someone you lost regardless who she or he is, might magically appear in front of you at any random day just to have short talk or a simple hi?!

Yesterday was the day for me. I couldn't help myself but hoping and wondering when is Late Onnie Yaq will drop by and say hi to us here on earth. I miss her, she's my pillar of strength when i was drowning and lost in between of Uni life and reality. If it wasn't hers never ending believes in me, that i can go through the osbtacles, i would simply cramble down hopelessly.

So many " what if " since she enters the gate of Heaven, so many " regret " since she left us, so many " scandal " since then, that we would love to share during our gathering , the sleepless night of us giggling and laughing our heart out, would never be the same again. We will always said this to each other " i remember the time when me, kakak yaq n u ...... "

In loving memory, my beloved Onnie Flora,

" The trace of your memory is like blossom spring to our soul "

taken : 17 August 2009 , the sunset you gave us after a day you enter the gate's of Heaven

the unexpected LOVE

I had slowly falling in love with the world. Drifting away from you, and there you are standing alone at that corner. Slowly and slowly i lose my grip of you; and yet you still stood there watching over me. Until one day, i was lost among the others, forever.

Over the years, of watching me silently at that corner, sadly. Your heart was torn by my unfaithfulness love, and yet your love grew stronger for me.

The world had swallowed up my soul, and was left empty. Alone in the dark, i decided to take my own life. A life you love so much, that i don't appreciate.

As i struggle to breath in the breath of life, there you stood; Majestic, holding your hand out to reach out for me. My heart, my heart ~ aahh its beating again, but its no more empty. Your love had save me, Jesus.

And again i am falling slowly in love with you. Now and forever, to be faithful to you.

* Inspired by Lifehouse - Everything *

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyheJ480LYA

Wishing upon the star ...

Have you ever wish upon the star when you were little? i do, always do ... a fairy tale that's makes a child heart flower with hope.

ahh yes this "hope" slowing fading away from the child's heart. As we grew older and yes wiser, we suddenly stop making wish. Every step we took, its makes us getting grounded to the earth. Fly~ fly away with your hope. There goes our fantasy.

Wishing upon the star, to have prince charming knock upon your door, to have ponies that can fly, to have big castle and to have a lovely little princess or prince.

Aaahhh, what a simple way of thinking.

And today my dear friends, lets us wish upon the star to save our mother Earth. Switch off any electrical appliances in your house, and be embrace by the moonlight and maybe ~ maybe with a bit of luck, a shooting star will cross our sky tonight.

A champ was send to the outer space

Yesterday nite, as i was channel surfing i came upon interesting segment of animal planet. The program was about crazy dream's United State of America in the late 70's to flight off animal to the outer space. Remember Laila, she was left alone up there till her last breath.

What makes human so cruel are their constant dream off zero gravity. Single mistake in engineering is not allowed at all, what more with limited resources. Nonetheless, this was not the problem. What i observed was the cruelty of human act towards animal, like this case it was the champ. Numerous experiments were done and non of us known the fate of the others champ who cant make it.

However, thanks to this lucky champ, the future of others animal were secure from any cruel act in the name of experiment. Heavenly Father makes us all not to destroy the earth but share the beauty of it with His others creation.

Give me the Light

Ever since i was young, every time we had finish the mass at nearby church, we all end up having our brunch at a kopitiam ... the MAGIC thing about this kopitiam is that, it was equally divided into 2 section, a non-halal and halal sections of food stalls ... this is how we Sarawak people has been living, regardless of our believes and cultures. Respect is the key.

Yesterday, a cousin of mine telling us that unexperience-of-swak-culture west m'sian lady teacher was suprise to see OUR DUAL KOPITIAMs. She said she never see such thing in her life not until she was here, in our Land of Hornbill. We should be proud of this, non-sarawakian you should be shame of yourself, being selfish is not the key to live harmony. Sadly, more and more of them come here and destroying the harmony that we had been living ever since we had known. Poisoning the weaker mind set of younger generations with all the lies and never ending discrimination.

A message to all Malaysian people : don't judge people by the appearance, regardless of skin colour, religion or race ... it is hard to accept all the differences of believes or culture but don't you think all these, makes us COLOURFUL, FULL of LIFEs and MAGICAL?!

the seventh day

When the light touches the earth, it was the most amazing sight , it still do after millions years has passed, the wonder of Heavenly Father works. No man can produce such a master piece without involving manpower & equipment loading and material cost impact.

Engineers around the world too has work wonders, the newest technology never ending revolution and yes a simple answer to a complicated situation. Man are always challenging themself to build a better technology but along the way they are destroying the wonder of Heavenly Father works, resulting global warming and massive pollution. How man minds revolve, have we forgetton we are only temporary in this damaging world.

How can we heal the once beautiful earth we had? Too bad Malaysian are still unaware of this, countless trees has been chopped off, wild life was the victim of illegal logging. The film "Avatar" is a good message to us Human, we are infact killing our future slowly. Sustainable development cannot be achieve if we still continue to be selfish.

During my studies in Curtin, it was an eye opener that other parts of the world are less fortune than Malaysia, can u imagine a day without clean water? I bet we all will suffer. And yet we take for granted what we have. As an Engineer, can i contribute my knowledge for the good of others? How can i share? Imagine Bintulu was powered pedal, cutting down the API, what a dream come true. A healthy life style and a good sense of cutting cost of fuel.

My "if world" was represented in AVATAR :

1) a life with no sense of money. To work just for pleasure.

2) animal and plants to be respected.

3) a green healthy earth

Thank you Cameron for this amazing piece of art.

1st day of 2010

My 010101 was start with an hour of amazing time with Lee Hom *eherm together with onni n apak* . At 1st tho wna wen out n celebrate my new year eve wf frens, nonetheless, i was stuck in front of the square box as early as 6pm *to begin with* ... NHK, Big Bang, TVXQ, Takuya Kimura, NichKun, Lee Hom and yes my charming Bernard *he was busy d whole nite, so i had to spend my tym wf d boys..eherm* ... hu can resist those hunks ?? definitely not ME wink2

However on the new year eve , i was late for the Mass *by the tym i was out of ofis, it was ordy 545pm* d mass starts 8 7pm ... im sorry Heavenly Father to dissappointed u yday evening ... so without fail, this morning i start my day with Jesus, giving thanks and praises for a wonderful year i had been thru, for giving me the strength to go thru my days without Late Onni Yaq and offered my prayers to those hu nids His hand to hold on to.

After mass, Onni Esma n I wen to Body Shop *i nid a facial wash n toner* ... 1 of our resolution for 2010 was to do facial *a goal tat must be done* so that wen v went for our Korea trip dis summer, v hav smooth skin *say no to impurities* ... wen to dermalogist n made an appointment next sunday *cross finger* " beauty comes with pain and a thinner pocket ".

Will 2010 brings peace into my families and amended our broken heart ? Onni why do you haf to leave us? i miss your laughter, ur constant nagging, ur hugs,n mostly u ... celebrating christmas n new year without u was so wrong , Onni do pray 4 our recovery n v will owez pray 4 u *please stop by and giv us a hug*